So lately now that I’m a few months into being thirty the overwhelming thoughts of what it means to be a grown up are well… Overwhelming me. But one thought in particular actually is giving me a physical reaction, and not like fluttering butterflies and heart swelling cute feeling. But more like anxiety and a stomach ache. And that would be the thought of having a baby… Is there something wrong with me? I’m totally into being a lady and all that comes with, but the desire to birth a child totally missed in the growing up process. Do I think they’re cute, sure… Well sometimes. And definitely from a distance. But, I don’t know about this whole process. I feel sometimes people tend to lose themselves or their spouse in the the new life of parenthood. And I really deeply don’t want that. I know it doesn’t always happen and it’s hard work to make it not happen. But it’s such a scary thought that it possibly could and most likely will. I look at all these cutesie moms on Instagram that seem to have it all and I’m like “well what are you not showing us! Life can’t be that peachy” and maybe it is but hmmmm I don’t know. I know what I see and experienced from other people and it’s not.
I know for sure I’m not ready. I just started pursuing my dreams! I just started booking travel trips to far off places. I want to enjoy that! And if it sounds selfish then okay it does, but I’m not ready to share my experiences with a baby. A spouse, yes! but a baby, no. I don’t judge those that do want it. Go for it! Awesome. But I feel like when I say these things out loud people think they have a right to Judge me and my womanhood. And they literally can go eff off. My body, my life, my rules… Maybe in a few years it’ll change. I welcome that. But as of now I’m content loving my girlfriend, searching for cheap flights, and finding sales to continue to support my shopping habits!
Signing off with a selfie!
Dress: H&M
Flannel: Uniqlo
Booties: Shoemint
Style Raccoon 